he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
is it fun? or sober?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
