Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
