I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
