if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
