You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
