69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
