just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
There's always time for handjobs
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
