DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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