Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
