also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
