I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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