shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
