just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Randomize
