Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
