..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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