remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize