i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
