I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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