oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
