yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
