Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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