i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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