I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
