the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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