so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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