She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
of course. lets lasso hookers.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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