About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
