I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize