I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
