We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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