I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
