And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
