My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
