Do you still have your period?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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