I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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