Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
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