If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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