singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize