My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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