I wish I could punch you in the face.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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