What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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