Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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