you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
