turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
