Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
