Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
we're so committed to being not committed
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
