the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Randomize
