Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
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