i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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