come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
