made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
