So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
God, I missed his penis.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
