haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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