I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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