they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
