I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
