he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize