I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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