I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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