i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
