she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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