Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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