I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
This is classic penis vs brain.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
