you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
