if i can run in heels then i can drive
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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