We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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