chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
