Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
nutella sex= disaster
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
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