just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
