i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
