Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
