Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
