A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
