even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
