I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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