Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
