i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
