apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize