yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
