if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Cover your peen. We're going out.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
