i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
