She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
